A Life in Progress – Stephen C.
The blood of the lamb and the word of my testimony is all I have left. All the rest I handed over to the devil for the price of a lie. The lie was that I was not really a child of God. I mean, how could I be? Because if you knew all the things that I’ve done, there’s just no way, no way. I wouldn’t forgive me for the way I’ve treated people. You want to know about causing pain to the people who love you, from a rebellious son – ask my parents. Ask my mom how it feels to get a call from the hospital at 3:00 in the morning. Some stranger’s voice telling her to get there quick because her son probably won’t live much longer.
You could have asked my wife when she was a weeping, shaking puddle on the floor, afraid for her life. I was standing over her with a voice so loud and absent of love. The love I promised her I would never deny her. Or my son, who was abandoned by the one man he looked up to – his father – who could do anything except love his own son.
I’ve left a trail of broken hearts in the lives of women whose only fault was to dare to trust me. Houses, cars and trucks, jobs and bank accounts…half a million dollars in structured settlement funds awarded to a young man who didn’t even know how to like himself, let alone love someone else.
I tried. And I tried to get sober, to stay sober. Six rehabs, this is my fourth time in the Colony of Mercy. My first time in the Colony was in 1999. AA, NA, church, short-term mission trips, even a short time in prison. And just a few months ago I was completely at my end, dying, absolutely nothing left of myself. Then I cried out to God and He gave me hope that I could still live. So I dared to reach out to the Colony of Mercy yet again.
Psalm 107:1-15 Oh, give thanks to the Lord, for He is good! For His mercy endures forever. Let the redeemed of the Lord say so, He has redeemed from the hand of the enemy, And gathered out of the lands, From the east and from the west, From the north and from the south. They wandered in the wilderness in a desolate way; They found no city to dwell in. Hungry and thirsty, Their soul fainted in them. Then they cried out to the Lord in their trouble, And He delivered them out of their distresses. And He led them forth by the right way, That they might go to a city for a dwelling place. Oh, that men would give thanks to the Lord for His goodness, And for His wonderful works to the children of men! For He satisfies the longing soul, And fills the hungry soul with goodness. Those who sat in darkness and in the shadow of death, Bound in affliction and irons— Because they rebelled against the words of God, And despised the counsel of the Most High, Therefore He brought down their heart with labor; They fell down, and there was none to help. Then they cried out to the Lord in their trouble, And He saved them out of their distresses. He brought them out of darkness and the shadow of death, And broke their chains in pieces. Oh, that men would give thanks to the Lord for His goodness, And for His wonderful works to the children of men!
This is the Word of the Lord, and these are the words of my testimony. God’s not done with me yet – He’s just getting started.